Where I Wanna Be...

Previously on Bound to You...

"Marry me." the room went silent. Our eyes were now locked. I was trying to read her mind.

"What?" her smile faded.

"Marry me. I don't want to wait to call you my wife, I've done all the waiting I can stand over the last 15 yrs. Be mine babe."

"Safaree..."

"Don't think about it. Just say yes. We are perfect for each other. We accept each other flaws and all, we can't spend more than a couple hours apart before we have to call each other or see each other. Baby this ain't no puppy love." I was now on both knees in front of the couch she was sitting on. "I'm done with the boyfriend title, I want to be your husband and say all those vows and mean it. I want to to be able to say I'm going home to my family and not I;m going over my girlfriends house. Please Onika. I've never been so serious about something in my life." I stopped and waited for a response. Nicki sat with a dazed look on her face. Safaree pulled a peach colored diamond ring from his pocket and presented it to her. "I'm asking again Nicki, will you be Mrs. Safaree Lloyd Samules?"

I sat dazed. Did he really just ask me that? Is he serious? I mean I love my baby but can I trust he won't hurt me like in the past? Can I trust myself not to hurt him? This is a big step. I just came from down the marriage road and we seen how it turned out. I love him though. The kids would love it but we have to think about longevity, will we last?

We have an amazing time together. Only man I know that can take me from zero to 60 and back within minutes, but we also have really horribly times. Safaree is the only other man besides my father to break my heart. When I think about it he was also the only other person besides my mother that has been there to mend my heart as well.

If I have to go through this and it all turns out to be a big mistake I wouldn't want to go through it with anyone else but Safaree. We've explored everything in this world together, marriage would just be another thing to add to our list. I love him. I love us.

Focusing back on him I see him stand up and turn to walk away.

"Yes."

He stopped. Turning back to me slowly he bends down. All that is heard is Chris Tuckers screams coming from the television. Our eyes locked, he was trying to read me like I do him. How cute.

"What?" he ran his thumb against my ring finger.

"I said yes, I'll marry you."

Safaree sat back on his butt, arms propped up in his knees and just stared at me. He looked as if he could drop a tear at any moment. I moved down to him and wrap his arms around my waist. I've only seen him like this once before. I kiss his lips.

"Can I have my ring now?" I ask wiping the one tear that managed to escape him. He chuckles a bit and searches the floor for where he laid it. Slipping the ring on my finger he kisses my hand.

"I love you."

"I love you more baby." We hug once more. "I get to call you my husband now." I smiled widely.

"I always knew you were my wife." he held me tighter. We sat in a comfortable silence.

This feels right this time.

                                                                         ***
I had been on the phone with Nina for an hour and a half catching up. I feel horrible for just now really checking on her since the accident. No real excuse could validate why, I had just been busy. Every time I would get a chance to just sit and take a break from working something with the kids would pop up. So there was no time for what mommy wanted to do.

Nina was complaining how Quentin was still being over protective, even though the accident happened months earlier. And also how when Michelle called he damn near yanked her arm off trying to get to the telephone from her. I still hadn't got to meet Michelle even though she had been working at the children's school for a couple of months now.

"Don't think like that Nina bug, your brother treats me just the same. They do it because they care not because they want to control us."

"No, not with Q. He wants to control me. He has gotten so use to me doing what he wants that now when I try to say no he looks as if he wants to..." Nina trailed off.

"Hit you?" I sat up in the bed. "Nina is that what you were going to say?"

"No Nicki."

"Nina Latrice Samules if you sit on this phone and lie to me I swear-"

"Onika no one is lying to you. Calm down. Look I gotta go sis. Please don't go saying anything to my brother that will have him flying out here."

"Can't promise that because I don't believe you but I'll try. Call me tomorrow."

Nina sighed

"OK Nika. I love you."

"Love you more Nina bug." Nina hung up.

The wheels in my head began spinning.

Michelle...

Working with the kids at Wilson's has definitely been a experience. I thought I wanted kids but after three months me and my babe are going to have to rethink having kids of our own. Sitting here putting happy faces on these ugly ass drawings of their families is not my idea of a fun Friday night. I do envy them a little. I didn't have a complete family growing up, but I guess that's partly my fault. I won't cry over spilled milk now, what's done is done. Speaking of family let me go fix dinner for my mother.

I see her sitting where I left her, at the dining room table. She was reading her Bible as I pass into the kitchen.

"I don't know why you read that. It's not like he is going to help you."

"Michelle go take your hatred elsewhere."

Pulling out a package of steak from the fridge I hear her begin to hum Walking Up the Kings Highway.

"I'm serious you know. God has never helped us so why do you continue to praise him? If he was such a good God he would have helped me when I needed him the most." Why the fuck am I crying? I'm over this shit.

"Baby you  can't hold on to that hate you have in your heart. Release it and you will begin to heal. God puts us through trials to test our faith in him, if you believe in him he will see you through."

"A thirteen year old mom? I was just a baby." I watch her sigh and go back to reading. "Answer me!" I rush over to her and get on my knees so we are eye level. "Tell me how such a gracious God could let that happen to one of his children?"

Slipping her reading glasses off she closed her Bible.

"Melanie you were such a bright and caring child. You let him take away your happiness after that. Your eyes use to sparkle, now when I look into them I see emptiness. Melanie you are a shell of a girl that once was."

She shifted and I hear the chain around her ankle clang against the table.

"Stop calling me Melanie, she's dead. Michelle is here now. Michelle will get what that weak girl Melanie couldn't."

"Melanie you have to let that man go, he has went on with his life. You got all this facial reconstruction and surgery and for what? Do you think he will want you with a new face? If he didn't love you then he won't love you now."

"He left her mom. Safaree wanted me but that bitch got in the way and got knocked up. He didn't get a chance to love me because of her."

"Well what are you going to do? Kill him? Let it go Melanie." she chuckled.

"I hadn't thought of that."

My mom was on to something.

"Oh no Melanie, that's insane."

"Why? I've killed before besides he toyed with my emotions for months and then left me heartbroken and in a psych hospital." she really had my wheels turning then it hit me. "I have an even better idea, I'll take what he holds so dearly to him. The triplets."

"Melanie no. Leave his family alone. It's him you have a problem with, the children have nothing to do with your drama."

Too late. I just found my new project.

Nicki


Laying in bed staring at the the clock thinking about that cherry cheesecake we bought at the Cheesecake Factory had my stomach talking. We got it for the kids or at least that's what I told Safaree. It went against my diet but this craving was real. I love it when Safaree holds me tight but this is one of the nights I wish he would be a regular boy and despise cuddling.

Inching towards the the edge of the bed, I moved slowly as to not wake Safaree. One scoot too many and I hit the floor with a thud. I laid motionless as SB moved around and got comfortable again. I stood up and tip toed out the room, into the hallway, past the kids rooms and down the stairs into the kitchen.

Opening the fridge my smile spread wide. Picking up the box that held the dessert I turned around bumping into a hard body. As I screamed a hand covered my mouth.

"Quiet unless you want to wake up that human garbage disposal you call a daughter."

I caught the voice.

"Safaree you scared the hell out of me. What are you doing sneaking around the house?" I sat the box on the counter trying to slow my breathing.

"I should be asking you that question you little knock off ninja. I knew when your little ass hit the floor what you were up too."

"I'm telling my baby what you called her. Do you want a small or big piece?"

"Naw I want a thick piece of Nic cake."

I rolled my eyes at his corny reference.

"Yes I want a big piece. I got the forks, meet me in the living room."

"Why but of course your highness." I said in my best French accent and bowed.

                                                                            ***
Safaree and Nicki enjoyed their early morning snack. Cuddled up on the couch they spoke openly about the future. Their future as husband and wife. Both were scared. Scared to let down their children, family, fans. Each other. This was a big step and neither was taking it lightly, especially Nicki. She wanted to do right by Safaree, he meant so much to her and had sacrificed most of his dreams for her.

"Do you think we will be like this after we're married?"

"Like what?" He kissed her fingers.

"You know, late night conversations. You kissing me randomly through out the day and it's not because you think it will lead to something more but just because you love me."

"I won't sit here and say we will have a perfect marriage or anything close to one. We can only be us Nicki. Us will at times be ready to strangle the other. We have grown enough over the years to know how to deal with each other. I believe in us. Do you?"

I sat up and was now beside him on the couch.

"Of course I do. I just want to know that it's only going to be us in this marriage Safaree. The cheating I can't handle. Yes I know I've done my dirt in the past-"

"And I don't judge you for that. I will never cheat on you, so let's drop it."

"Okay baby."

"Now get back over here and help me finish this cheesecake. I said a big piece not this fat boy piece."

                                                                         ***

Walking into the kids school I was stopped by several parents asking if the kids would be able to come to their kids birthday parties. Did everyone decided to birth during the summer? These kids itineraries are just as hectic as mine. Making our way into the room I go speak to Mrs. Jones while the kids put their things away. I'm finally going to chaperon a field trip.

As we wrapped up Mrs. Jones wanted to introduce the new student teacher. Me and Safaree missed the last PTA meeting so we hadn't had a chance to meet her when she first arrived. I had heard plenty about her from Nina.

Ms. Michelle Teatermen stood 5ft. 10in. Slight muffin top, caramel complexion, high cheek bones and a small nose that looked awkwardly out of place. Cute girl though.

"Michelle this is Ms. Maraj, the Samules triplets mother."

"Oh yes I know who she is. How could I not. Please to finally meet you Ms. Maraj."

"Please call me Nicki. I've heard a lot about you from Nina."

"Nina?" Mrs. Jones asked.

"Michelle is really good friends with Safaree's sister Nina."

"Yeah how is she?"

"She's fine. You should really call her."

"Well I'll let you two talk." Mrs. Jones went into her office.

"How is she doing? I try and call but Quinton always takes the phone. I don't know why he doesn't like me."

"He's just doing what he thinks is right. Nina says she misses you, maybe you two can work out a time to call when Q is gone."

"We are grown women I don't see why we have to have a schedule to talk to a friend." Michelle

"You're right but until he calms down that's what you'll have to do if you want to speak with her. Listen I'll talk to Nina but I have to go. It was nice finally meeting you."

"Nice finally meeting you as well."

Nicki walked over to the kids and gave them kisses before she left out.

                                                                                 ***

My mom decided to come visit us unexpectedly. Safaree left it up to me to tell her about the engagement, that's what I get for telling him I wasn't going to help him tell his mother. My big mouth always gets me in trouble. It feels good to have my mom around. She takes the kids out without asking, which is no problem with either me or Safaree. The kids love it since mom spoils them rotten.

I lay my head in her lap like I used to do when I lived at home. She stroked my hair as she watched her Soap Opera. How do I tell my mother that only seven months after I publicly humiliated her in front of her family that I am now going to accept another mans hand in marriage. This won't be no short conversation. The name Onika is going to be thrown around in a heavy Trinidadian accent. Ain't nobody got time for that. When Carol felt a certain way about something it would take God and all his army to get her to see your side. She would never just agree to disagree, it was either you agreed with her or she kept on about it. Ugh, I stress myself out.

"Mommy I have something to tell you." I fiddle with the string on my sweat pants.

"Can It wait till my show is over baby?"

Not if you ever want to find this out.

"Safaree asked me to marry him and I said yes." It was like word vomit. I sat up so I can look at her face and instantly I was met with those eyes that would make me regret what ever I did when I was a child. She just stared. "Say something mommy." Where the hell did that small ass voice come from?

"Are you sure this time Onika?" she tapped her foot.

"I guess."

"I guess isn't good enough Onika."

"Yes mommy I'm sure."

"Don't have me sending out invitations again and  then have me find out that Safaree is into that funny business."

My jaw dropped. Did she just call Safaree gay?

"Mom."

"Well I'm just saying."

The room fell silent again.

"So that's it? No shouting? No scolding? No "Onika what's going on in that head of yours?"?"

"No." she grabs my hand. "I'm happy for you two. It's about time he asked you, should have been the only one to ever ask you. Baby but make sure you are ready to commit to this. It's forever not just until Onika is fed up. When things get hard and yes they will get hard, you have to be willing to stay in that ring and fight."

"He's worth the fight. Thank you mommy."

We embrace tightly. I don't know what my life would be like without this woman. She's my rock.

"Let me see the ring. I've been here for over five hours and you've kept something this big from me." She popped my leg as i dig in my pocket for my ring.

"Trust me it wasn't easy. That's why I was hiding out in the guest room when you first got here." I show her my finger.

"It's beautiful princess."

"Wow, you haven't called me that since I was little."

"You'll always be Princess Nicki to me. I can remember when you would have your town meetings and give out orders to all your teddy bears in the living room. And I would have to come in and witness the beheading of some evil teddy who tried to storm the castle."

I sat with my knees to my chest on the couch listening to my mom tell old stories about me. I like that everything is coming together in my life to where I can sit and have moments like this with my mother. Instead of stressing out over every small thing. I miss our mother daughter time, no kids to come in and interrupt  I'm in heaven right now.

*Okay you guys. I should be posting pretty rapidly from now on. I'm done with finals after Tuesday then I have Christmas break for a month. I will most likely be wrapping this up in the next, least 6 to  max 10 chapters. I feel like you are not feeling it as much anymore. Please at least 40 comments. You might think it doesn't help but it does. I get a feel for what you are thinking and what you don't like if you have complaints. Thank you for reading. ^_^*

Visual

Nickis ring


What Melanie Looks like now