"So you're just going to sit there and stare at me?" Safaree broke me from trance. I looked over to see Dr. Wolff starring at me.
"Well I don't see the problem. Never once have you brought this up to me and now you do it in front of a total stranger Safaree."
"I didn't know how to bring it up to you and could be assured that you wouldn't leave. When we made the rule last week I figured here was as good as place as any."
"If our sex life is that dull to you then I have a great plan. How bout I won't fucking touch you ever again. Not a kiss, a hug, hell I'll do you one better how 'bout I you sleep in your old room so you don't EVERR have to touch me." looking over at the time and it couldn't be any more perfect for my "Fuck You" speech to dickhead. I grabbed my bag and slid on my Chanel shades and stormed out the room.
Walking out to the car I realize I'm doing exactly what Safaree told me I do. I never try and resolve it with him right away. I blow up at him then shut down all together, hindering our process. He's done everything I've asked of him, hell today he actually came through on one of my request. He addressed a quality in our relationship that he felt needed work instead of just letting me continue to do it and then punish me for it while leaving me clueless. Basically I just made him feel like complete shit for bringing it up in a zone where he felt comfortable.
I walk back into Dr. Wolffs office and see him and Safaree carrying on a conversation. They stop and look at me enter the room and sit back next to Safaree. Sliding off my shades I suck it up and apologize.
"I realized what I just did was on my list and I'm sorry."
"Well I'm glad because I did nothing wrong Onika. That's-"
"Wait Safaree, Onika just admitted she was wrong. Isn't that one of the things you put on her list to work on?"
"Well yeah but-"
"If she is progressing don't belittle her like she is a child. Also something she put on your list." Dr. Wolff sat back and watched us.
"Thank you for admitting you were wrong Nicki and I'll work harder as well." he clenched his jaw. He would never admit it to me or anyone else but he is just as stubborn as me at times.
"Babe you have worked hard." I turn towards him. "I'm sorry I haven't acknowledged your progress. I'm trying to get my temper under control it's just so hard when I've been set in my ways for so long. That is the only way I feel like I'm being heard at times."
A knock came at the door. It was Dr. Wolff's assistant letting him know his. 11:15 appointment was here.
"Okay you guys. It's clear you still haven't really figured out the list thing. The list is not here for you to throw in each others face. You aren't to point out something knew about the other while in a heated argument. No one wants to hear about a therapy tactic while they're pissed off. If you see a trait you don't like you wait until both of you have calmed and then bring it up. Alright you two get out of here and continue working towards your goal. And next week I'll have different homework for you."
"Thank you Dr. Wolff." I stand up and walk out the door with Safaree behind me. This therapy stuff isn't all that bad I'm still pissed about him bringing that up in front of him though.
Heading to the school, so I can help Chaperon this trip to the Sony Wonder Technology Lab, all I could think about was how boring I was in the bedroom all of a sudden. Like WTF? I could feel a possible fight brewing but I had to know what was up with Safaree.
"So what changed?" I asked never looking at him only outside at the passing cars on the other side of the rode.
"About what?" so we're going to play dumb?
"Our sex life Safaree. When did sex with me become uninteresting?"
"When you started sneaking around to have it a constant habit. It was no longer because you just wanted a quickie before the main course that night but because you don't want to do it with the kids in the house? Like is that what it's going to be like once we're married? No longer making you yearn for me to touch you. Not hearing your moans as I go deep inside you slowly and hear you telling me it's all mine. Can I no longer make your back arch off the bed as I eat your pussy til my face is covered in your juices? Is it never going to be another night where you ride me all night and bite the left side of your lip while trying to make me cum but only causing your self to hit another climax? Baby please tell me I'll be able to ask you after our fourth or fifth round if I can hit it in the morning and in the morning when I'm tapping you on the shoulder to fulfill my sexual hunger for you I'll actually be met with open legs instead of weak kiss and a worn out excuse? Will it continue to be the same quick nut we have been having over the last three months? That's not the type of relationship my body and your body have."
We pull up to the school entrance. He put the car in park and looked into my eyes as he licked his lips.
"In the middle of the day on a Saturday when the kids are watching a movie and I see you walking around in your tight little green shorts that say "Juicy" on the back and I have a certain need for special attention will my wife be willing to pull me to the room and work her magic?"
Silence filled the car.
"See this is about me not giving you head the other day. I knew it." I roll my eyes.
"So from all of what I just said that's all you got from it Onika? Get out the car, I'll be back to pick you guys up at two thirty." He slid his shades on.
He's irritated now. Getting out the car I watch him pull away and merge into traffic. Damn him for having me horny at twelve in the afternoon. My attitude was full blown.
Sony Wonder Technology Lab
Being with my kids and their friends was really what I needed. Out of a adult free world full of judgement and into the carefree world of 5-8yr olds. This place is so much fun. We made I.D. cards when we got here and I've actually learned a lot of stuff about technology. Now the Barbz can't clown me on how to work ustream or my computer. Speaking of Ustream I still owe them like two.
Nope, I won't think about work right now. I'm here with my babies and they get all my time today. Looking around I find them in separate groups of friends. Daria with the boys she plays soccer with, Zaria with a bunch of girls around her. I pray she doesn't turn out to be one of those girls like in the movies who grow up privileged and bullies the rest of the school. She's gorgeous and she knows it, she is really going to be handful when she gets older. And then there is Ethan also surrounded by girls but he on the other hand is completely ignoring them. They're not getting the hint.
"Excuse me ladies, Ethan come to Robo Zone with me." I stretch my hand out and he eagerly takes my hand.
Turning around I see Michelle approaching us. Me and her have become really close, one of the few people outside of my childhood friends that gets me. We've been on a few lunch dates, she's even going to take the kids next weekend so me and Safaree can have a day to ourselves. Michelle is really good with them.
"Hey mamacita."
"Hello Ms. Maraj. Hi Ethan."
"Hi Miss. Tanner. Come on mommy the robots."
"You go ahead mommy will be along in a minute." I watched him take off across the room.
"So how have you been? I haven't heard from you in a couple of days." I ask.
"Family problems, nothing I can't handle though." she had a look in her eye. I don't know how to describe it but it happens a lot. Scary. "So how has Safaree been?"
"Ugh please don't even bring his name up right now." I rolled my eyes.
"Counselling not going so well? She said a little to loud for my comfort.
"Could you be any louder with my business girl? And it's going fine I guess it's just--" I looked around to see who is in ear hustling range. "he just brought up our sex life today in front of the therapist." I whispered. Michelle made a "O" shape with her mouth.
"Well maybe you should spice it up?" I looked at her blankly.
"How you just assume it's me with the problem? See...lets just drop this before I get heated. I'll talk to you later." I walked off to go play with Ethan.
Another hour in and we were playing on this light up floor. These kids had worn me out today. I will never volunteer to do this again. Watching my own three is hard enough but they give me five more to tend too as well. Shoot me now please. My babies are having fun hanging with me though and that's all that matters. I see that Daria had come out of that shell she clamped herself in last year.
I hear my stomach growl. I'm glad I packed an extra lunch for me because that rabbit's food they tried to serve me was not going to cut it. But that still didn't fill me up because Zaria was eating off my plate and her plate. Safaree has to cook later. Well that's if he's not still agitated with me. I need to fix this, I won't let something this small take us back to that childish banter and games we used to play. If all he's asking for is something that small then he can have it. I'm not losing him.
Looking over at Ethan i see he is bent over trying to catch his breath. I've noticed he has been doing that a lot lately. He will run a few yards then he would sound like he had ran a marathon. A couple minutes later he'll be fine.
"Hey small fry are you okay?" I bend down in front of him.
"Yes-" Breath. Breath. "mommy-" Breath! "I'm okay." he stood up and ran over to his sisters and started playing again. I need to get him checked out If this keeps up.
Later That Night
Safaree barbecued us some ribs, made loaded potato salad, and BBQ baked beans. When I tell you I pigged out. My baby can throw down in the kitchen. He needs to go open up his own restaurant. But he wanna do other dumb stuff my mess around with motorcycles.
Heading upstairs I see that Safaree has all the kids bathed and in their pajama's. He hasn't said much to me since he picked us up from the school earlier. He has really kept his distance from me. I walk into the girls room and see all of them in the corner talking and giggling.
"What's funny? I want to laugh too." I sit in Daria's small chair.
"You can't mommy. He is only our friend." Zaria says.
"Who? I don't see nobody." I look around.
"He is right here." She points to the corner with the chair in it.
"Ohhhh you have an imaginary friend. That's cute." I smile.
"He's not imaginary mommy, He's our Angel" Ethan said sternly.
"Angel?"
"Yes mommy." he rubbed his eyes, he was getting sleepy.
"Is he your age, my age, or grandmas age?"
"He's older then us." Daria put a spoon to her baby dolls mouth.
"What does he look like?" I ask.
"He looks like uncle Jay." Zaria explained feeding her doll.
"Oh okay. Well what's his name you guys?"
"Aidan." they all said together. Nicki looked at them with wide eyes. Ethan looked up at her.
I could tell all the color had just drained from my face. Aidan? How do they know about him? Who's been blabbing their big mouths around my children. I haven't had a dream about him in years.
"What's wrong mommy?" he walked over to her and sat in her lap.
Ethan looks over at the wall where I again see nothing then nods his head.
"He says he isn't here to help you this time. He's here to protect us."
My heart nearly skipped a beat.
"Protect you from what baby" I was beyond weirded out.
"He won't tell us mommy." Zaria said.
"He's says he can't leave until what's done is done." Daria chimed in while putting her toys away. "How do you know Aidan mommy?"
Oh hell no.
"Alright everyone in bed. Let's go, toys up."
"But mommy." Ethan whined still laying on the floor with his train.
"Boy what did I tell you about that "But mommy"? When I say move you move. Now go put up your toys and get in bed. I'll come and tuck you in when you are done." I help the girls with their room.
"Yes ma'am." he moved slowly out of the room.
Walking into our bedroom I sit on the bed. Safaree is in the shower, the smell of Irish Spring seeped in the room from up under the door. How do I tell my children that I killed there brother? My tears roll down my hot cheeks. I can't handle this.
*****
SB's POV
That shower was just what I needed. Got my thoughts together while in here. I usually think while I'm cooking but Onika decided she wanted to be all up under me. After all these years I still don;t fully get that woman. One minute she's bitchin' at me then the next she's following me around. Bi-polar ass.
Wrapping my towel around my waist I start brushing my teeth. I guess I'll never fully understand her, then again I don;t think I want to fully understand what goes on in her head. I might end up crazy like her and have wacky emotions. Women. Opening the door to enter the bedroom I see her curled in a ball in the middle of the bed. Her eyes open from the light hitting her face. I see hurt. She shuts them and continues to sob on the bed.
"Onika what's wrong." I sit on the bed and rub her back.
"I-I--I can't tell them." she buried her face in the pillow.
What in the hell happened? See, emotional for no ass reason.
"Tell who what babe?" I move over to the dresser and pull out my briefs to put on.
"'The kids. They told me Aidan is here to protect them. He said something bad is going to happen." I hate when she crying and trying to talk too.
"Wait what?" I walk into the closet to get my shorts.
"Yeah that's what I said. Said Aidan told them he can't leave until what's done is done. Safaree have you spoken about Aidan to anyone while the kids were around?"
"No Nicki. I don't ever bring him up. Why would you even think I would be that careless?" She pissing me off. And I wish she would stop crying, it's not that serious. "Nicki they are kids. Now I don;t know how they found out about him but they did. They probably liked the name and start making up stuff. They have good imaginations."
"Really Safaree? That's to much of a fuckin coincidence. What if he really is, ya know, here?" she pulled her knees to her chest. "That's the only time he used to come to my dreams is when things were about to go wrong so he could warn me. And can you stop moving around and actually have a conversation with me." I stopped and really looked at her.
Shit man, she really fucked up about this. I move to my side of the bed and pat the space next to me. Nicki rolled her eyes.
"Girl." I pull her by the arm and into mines. "Everything will be fine. The kids will be fine and we will be fine." Nothing is going to happen to our family." I kiss the top of her head as she hugs my waist. "You believe me?" she looked up at me.
"Yes."
"Okay so calm your nerves and chill. Just sit here and be my sweetness." She smiles. I wipe away the tears left on her face. She is such a beautiful mess. "Kiss me."
Pushing up on my thigh she pushed her lips against mine. Nicki tried putting her tongue in my mouth but I wouldn't let her. She began to whimper and pout.
"Stop being mean to me." she ran her tongue along my bottom lip.
"Naw you don't get to start nothing you not gone let me finish. Let's just sit here and chill."
"There ain't nothing to do Faree." she kissed my chest.
"Let me teach you how to play my game" I reached over for the remote control.
"I'm trying to love on you and you want to play that stupid Duty game? You never cease to amaze me but if you want to play I'll play." she sat Indian style between my legs and took the gamer controller.
"Naw that's the player one controller You need the this one." She almost gave me a elbow to the neck when I tried to take it away.
"No. Ion want that one. If I got to play then I get to pick my controller, move ugly boy."
"See that's why I'ma let you die in the game."
"You better not." She leaned back on my chest while I explained the rules. I miss times like this.
Next Night
It was two in the morning and Nicki was just getting in from club Zest. She made an appearance for her Barbs, and Wayne had asked for her to come out with her YMCMB family. She walked into the living room and gawked at the disaster in the front room. She took off her heels and picked up the toy chest and began cleaning.
Around two-forty-five, she climbed the stairs to go to bed. Nicki went into the girls room and checked on them. They were both sound asleep, she kissed both on their cheeks and left out the room. She checked Ethans room but he wasn't there. Nicki walked into her room and seen Safaree sleep in his boxers and Nike socks with Ethan on top of him sleep in his batman underwear and Nike socks. She went and got Safarees camera out of his closet and snapped a picture of the pair. She went and showered, then climbed in bed and cuddled up next to her men. She succumbed to sleep moments later.
The next morning Nicki woke up to and empty bed. She went to the restroom to relieve herself and did her morning routine at the sink, then went to the Kitchen. Nicki found both Ethan and Safaree standing in the front of the fridge with their legs spread, hip with a part, and left hand on their hip. Ethan had his head tilted back drinking his small bottle of Sunny D and Safarees head was tilted drinking from the big jug of Simply Orange.
"Well look at Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Big Dummy." she said putting her hands on her hips and staring at them. Both turned, looked at her then turned away. SB put his bottle back in the fridge, Ethan tried to do the same.
"No E man you finish yours." Safaree instructed.
"Well what do you think you're doing putting your lips on the bottle I drink from too?" Safaree burped, then Ethan let out a small one as well.
"Getting our vitamin D woman." Safaree hadn't gotten the sleep out his voice yet.
"Yeah woman." Ethan said. Nicki gave him a look.
"Ethan Lloyd Samules, don't let your daddy get you in trouble. Don't Say that." He knew that look and tone.
"Sowee mommy." he rubbed his eyes walking up towards her. He tugged at her silk pajama pants and pooched his lips out for a kiss. Nicki bent down and kissed his lips.
"Eww man man why are your lips so wet?" she wiped her lips. He walked away scratching his booty. "Does your booty itch?"
"No!" he said taking another sip of his juice.
"Yes it does, get ready to get in the tub stinkabutt," When she turned around SB was waiting for his kiss. "And what yo soup coola's poked out for?" she folded her arms. Safaree pulled her to him with his left arm.
"Give me my kiss."
"Get the sleep out your voice." she giggled, then he squeezed, her tighter. Nicki pecked his lips. "That's all you getting. Now go take a bath with your son, both of you look like it's hot between your butt cheeks and armpits." she made a disgusted face. Safaree lifted his arm and sniffed then pulled Nicki to make her smell it. "Gross you buffoon, get off me." he let her go. She punched him in his chest twice. "Send him out once he is done so I can get him dressed for the day and then you hurry, breakfast will be done by then.
After breakfast the pair took the kids down to the neighborhood park. Safaree and Ethan were having a race on the monkey bars while Nicki and the girls were on the Merry-Go-Round.
"Whoaaaa mommy, too fast." Daria said gripping the short pole tightly.
"Okay Toot." Nicki stuck her foot out to slow it down. She looked over to the open field and seen Safaree and Ethan playing football. Ethan was chasing Safaree because he had the ball. Safaree got a good distance away from Ethan. Ethan slowed down and grabbed his chest. Safaree turned around laughing but it quickly faded when he seen Ethan fall to his knees.
"Ethan." Nicki screamed out running to get to her son. Safaree made it to him before her.
"Ethan what's wrong?" his dad asked.
"I can't breath daddy." he strained to say.
"Safaree we have to get him to the hospital now." Nicki said jumping up. Safaree scooped Ethan up in his arms and began running to the car. "Girls let's go." Nicki yelled. "Lord please let my baby be okay."
*I know it's been forever. Um comment please. Also I have a link at the top, it's to a short stories blog I want to start. I posted on it early yesterday. For the people that are allowed to view my story Nothing In This World, I'm really not sure if I want to really get into that story anymore. Sorry.*
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